By CHRIS BROCKMAN
LOS ANGELES — Here’s all you need to know about the National. Football. League. after two weeks: every team in the bottom six of these rankings last week won this week (SOMEONE IS READING!!) and five of the top 10 lost. It’s a week-to-week league and over reactions and under reactions are going to be plentiful as we march through this spectacular season. Just think about the storylines this week: Manziel benched, Colts and Seahawks in trouble, Giants blow another fourth-quarter lead, Jets and Panthers unbeaten and on and on. What hasn’t changed is who’s The Man this week (duh) but there’s lots of shakeup in this week’s rankings. Check ‘em out.
32.) New Orleans Saints (18; 0-2) – Something is definitely wrong with Drew Brees and it doesn’t look good. Like, it looks bad. Real bad. Your arm just suddenly is incapable of throwing the ball 50 yards on a strike. Saints were favorites to win the NFC South but starting the year 0-2 gives you an 11% chance of making the playoffs.
31.) Chicago Bears (24; 0-2) – Jay Cutler threw a pick-six (shocking) and then got hurt trying to make the tackle (even more shocking) and will miss at least the next two games. So that means the quarterback Jon Fox didn’t want in Carolina (Jimmy Clausen) is now his starter. Should be fun. Or not.
30.) Philadelphia Eagles (8; 0-2) – Terrell Owens said this week there are high school teams that could compete with this version of the Eagles. That seems a bit extreme to me. I’m thinking LSU or Ole Miss could would be field goal favorites.
29.) Detroit Lions (20; 0-2) – Matthew Stafford had to get a full-body x-ray after the game he got hit so much in Week 2, so much so that the blank stare of Jim Caldwell when asked if Stafford would be ready for Week 3 he said, “we’ll see.” Not exactly confidence inducing.
28.) Cleveland Browns (30; 1-1) – JOHNNY FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!
27.) Houston Texans (26; 0-2) – Ryan Mallett made it to the game on time, which was the first win of the day. Unfortunately, it was his only win as the Texans still are looking for an identity. But hey, at least J.J. Watt got another sack.
26.) New York Giants (25; 0-2) – How unlucky/cursed are the Giants? They’re the first team in NFL history to lose the first two games of the season after having 10-plus point leads in the fourth quarter. Tom Coughlin face all day, all day.
25.) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (32; 1-1) – Last week Jameis Winston was a bum and a bust and this week he’s going getting fitted for a gold jacket. That’s what happens when you go from a pick-six on your first pass to winning at New Orleans.
24.) Jacksonville Jaguars (31; 1-1) – The Battle of Florida goes to Jacksonville who put it to the Dolphins Sunday thanks to Blake Bortles slinging it to Allen Robinson and TJ Yeldon running the rock. The nucleus is young. The future is bright. This week.
23.) Tennessee Titans (23; 1-1) – Wait, Marcus Mariota isn’t going to the Hall of Fame after last week? They canceled his jacket measurement appointment? Go figure. Look, he’s a rookie QB, he’s going to have good weeks and bad. That’s life in the NFL.
22.) Oakland Raiders (29; 1-1) – I said it after last year’s draft and I’ll say it again: Derek Carr will be the best quarterback of his class. Sure, it helps when Amari Cooper is busting loose but Carr is not his brother.
21.) Minnesota Vikings (28; 1-1) – Adrian Peterson combined for 192 total yards and the Vikings manhandled the Lions this week. That’s what we were expecting to start the year and it’s good to see the rust has been shaken off.
20.) Washington Redskins (27; 1-1) – For the offseason mess that the Redskins were they’ve played very well the first two games and had stout offensive line performances against two fantastic defensive fronts. Matt Jones could be the new featured back after running wild against the Rams.
19.) Carolina Panthers (21; 2-0) – Very quietly, the Panthers are unbeaten and Cam Newton had three touchdowns including one acrobatic rushing score. They still don’t have a reliable receiving option outside of Greg Olsen though.
18.) San Francisco 49ers (19; 1-1) – Antonio Brown just caught another bomb from Ben Roethlisberger. Look, if there’s one positive to come from this is Colin Kaepernick is putting up some numbers and looking like a quarterback. Wait. Brown just caught another one. Might wanna cover him.
17.) Baltimore Ravens (13; 0-2) – Joe Flacco bounced back slingin’ it but this isn’t your father’s Ravens defense. They gave up 37 points to the Raiders and face a Bengals team this week who looks on top of there game.
16.) Miami Dolphins (14; 1-1) – We’re only two weeks in, but could the Dolphins be the odd-team out in the AFC? Not a good showing this week. The running game was inconsistent and the secondary was exposed.
15.) St. Louis Rams (5; 1-1) – As good as this team was in Week 1 it was just as disappointing in Week 2. Or maybe the Redskins aren’t that bad? Either way, I think we all expected a better showing. Still, Aaron Donald might be better than the guy who talks about working out all the time.
14.) New York Jets (22; 2-0) – OH, OH, OH FITZMAGIC!! YOU KNOOOOOOOWWW!!
13.) San Diego Chargers (12; 1-1) – One week you’re the hero and the next you’re the goat. Keenan Allen caught 15 passes in Week 1 and then had just two and a costly fumble last week. That’s how quickly it comes and goes.
12.) Kansas City Chiefs (9; 1-1) – I don’t know what to make of this team. Yes, Jamaal Charles fumbled twice against Denver. Yes, Andy Reid botched some play calling and time management. Yes, the defense is ball hawking and quarterback attacking.
11.) Buffalo Bills (7; 1-1) – When you bring in the Guinness Book of World Records because you’re anticipating your fans breaking the world stadium sound mark, at least stick around for the second half of the game so you can attempt the mark. Right?
10.) Indianapolis Colts (4; 0-2) – The coach is calling out the QB and GM. The QB is turning it over like he’s Julia Child (or Chris Childs). The WR is hurt. The Owner is Tweeting. Does everyone think the Colts are still Super Bowl favorites? Maybe, and that’s fine. A win this week will quiet a lot of this talk.
9.) Pittsburgh Steelers (17; 1-1) – Yes, that was an impressive performance Sunday by Big Ben and Co. but the question is will he still be slinging it now that Le’Veon Bell is back? Or will the offense take a change of direction?
8.) Dallas Cowboys (10; 2-0) – Yes, Dallas is unbeaten but its not in a favorable position with Tony Romo now out at least eight weeks with a broken clavicle and Jason Witten questionable for Week 3, on top of Dez Bryant out at least two months. Brandon Weeden, you’re up!
7.) Seattle Seahawks (3; 0-2) – Who’s in more trouble: the Colts or Seahawks? Jimmy Graham hates how he’s being used (and so do his fantasy owners) but Kam Chancellor is back so stopping the pass might better now. Still, something isn’t right in the PNW.
6.) Atlanta Falcons (15; 2-0) – Definitely one of the surprise teams to start the year after posting consecutive comeback wins. Matt Ryan looks fresh and new head coach Dan Quinn’s defense is flying around and creating turnovers.
5.) Cincinnati Bengals (16; 2-0) – The team no one is talking about has quietly dominated their first two games; strong defensively, Andy Dalton is playing near perfect ball and seems to be on the same page with A.J. Green. Now if Jeremy Hill could stop fumbling.
4.) Denver Broncos (6; 2-0) – So we’re all in agreement the Broncos are the luckiest team in the NFL through two weeks? OK, good. The team who most easily could be 0-2 has the Lions this week and would appear a lock to stay in the Top 5.
3.) Arizona Cardinals (11; 2-0) – Could the Cardinals be the most complete team in the NFL right now? Perhaps. Especially when Carson Palmer is healthy and slinging the rock and Larry Fitzgerald is ballin’ like it’s 2008. Oh yeah, their defense and special teams can make plays, can’t they?
2.) Green Bay Packers (2; 2-0) – No one in the league throws on the run better than Aaron Rodgers. It’s a modern marvel to me how good he is at it. No one is also better at post-game press conference jabs at other teams/players. Which I probably love even more.
1.) New England Patriots (1; 2-0) – Here’s what Tom Brady thinks of all your talking, Rex Ryan: 466 yards and three touchdowns (2015 pace: 6,032 yards, 56 TDs, 0 INTs). Here’s what Bill Belichick thinks: throwing deep on fourth down at midfield late in the second half. Only concern is what appears to be a porous defense. Time will tell.