By CHRIS BROCKMAN
1.) New England Patriots (record: 1-0; last week: 1) Who knows if Antonio Brown plays this Sunday or any Sunday for this team, but what we do know is they look like another offensive juggernaut.
2.) Kansas City Chiefs (1-0; 2) – Patrick Mahomes & Co. picked up right where they left off 2018 and that’s bad news for the rest of the NFL.
3.) Los Angeles Rams (1-0; 3) – Tough road win to start the year but what in the name of Sean McVay’s beard line can we get a Todd Gurley red zone carry?!
4.) New Orleans Saints (1-0; 6) – We already have a candidate for Game of the Year Alvin Kamara looks damn near unguardable.
5.) Dallas Cowboys (1-0; 7) – Soooooo Dak Prescott is going to get like $80M per year now, isn’t he?
6.) Philadelphia Eagles (1-0; 4) – The defense had a rough go but holy DeSean Jackson that’s the Eagles offense we expected to see heading into this season.
7.) Green Bay Packers (1-0; 12) – Yes, the offense struggled but the defense looked great against a team with high hopes.
8.) Minnesota Vikings (1-0; 14) – Dalvin Cook looks like the real deal and the defense is as advertised.
9.) Los Angeles Chargers (1-0; 8) – Injuries, blown lead, first-time kicker, overtime win. All in a Sunday for this team, which can’t seem to catch a break.
10.) Baltimore Ravens (1-0; 16) – Everyone is losing their minds over the offensive explosion but I’m pumping the brakes. Need to see Lamar Jackson & Co. do it for a few weeks before I’m a believer.
11.) Tennessee Titans (1-0; 25) – Perhaps the most surprising win last week, the Titans were the truth in trouncing the much-hyped Browns.
12.) Houston Texans (0-1; 15) – Seconds from a dramatic win on Monday night in maybe the toughest place to play in the NFL, Deshaun Watson proved he’s a superstar in this league.
13.) Chicago Bears (0-1; 5) – Everything that could’ve gone wrong did and Mitch Trubisky looks like he just learned to play quarterback.
14.) Oakland Raiders (1-0; 26) – No AB, no problem for the Raiders, who looked efficient, focused and might have a new star in tight end Darren Waller.
15.) Seattle Seahawks (1-0; 17) – Raise your hand if you were sweating out this game because the Seahawks were your survivor pool pick?
16.) Carolina Panthers (0-1; 11) – Cam looks eh, but Christian McCaffrey looks like the best running back in the league. I’m telling you, he’s breaking the total yardage record this season.
17.) San Francisco 49ers (1-0; 22) – Sure, they got a win, but Jimmy G needs to show us all more and fast.
18.) Buffalo Bills (1-0; 23) – Any time you can turn the ball over four times in the first half and still come away with a win is a good day.
19.) Pittsburgh Steelers (0-1; 10) – It’s only one game but definitely not how you want to start your season, especially when it looked like you could really use Antonio Brown.
20.) Atlanta Falcons (0-1; 9) – My girlfriend is a huge Falcons can and she says Dan Quinn is on the hot seat this season. Yikes.
21.) Indianapolis Colts (0-1; 20) – Never thought I’d ever say this, but is it possible we’re seeing the beginning of the end for Adam Vinatieri?
22.) New York Jets (0-1; 18) – Blow a 16-point second half lead and now Sam Darnold isn’t playing on Monday because he has mono. Read that last part again. The jokes write themselves, people.
23.) Cleveland Browns (0-1; 13) – Magazine covers, $300k watches, crazy Super Bowl odds and get a 40-burger scored on you at home. NOT a good look, Brownies.
24.) Detroit Lions (0-0-1; 27) – Tough to blow that one last week to a rookie quarterback whom you dominated for three quarters, but hey, that’s the Lions for ya.
25.) Washington Redskins (0-1; 28) – The Redskins put up a better fight that I expected but seriously, a backdoor cover was NOT good for my Super Contest.
26.) Cincinnati Bengals (0-1; 31) – Talk about a team that played pretty well despite the loss because you can definitely count me among those who thought this team was going 3-13.
27.) Jacksonville Jaguars (0-1; 18) – Poor Nick Foles but it looks like this Minshew guy might be the real deal; or maybe it’s just his mustache.
28.) Denver Broncos (0-1; 21) – Joe Flacco looks like a statue back there and that’s the good news.
29.) Arizona Cardinals (0-0-1; 30) – Holy hell Kyler Murray stunk for three quarters but hot damn does this kid have some magic in him.
30.) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-1; 24) – How much longer do Bucs fans have to put up with having Jameis Winston as their quarterback?
31.) New York Giants (0-1; 29) – If you had Daniel Jones getting snaps in Week 1, congrats on winning your pool.
32.) Miami Dolphins (0-1; 32) – If you play for the Dolphins you have to look on the bright side, at least Florida doesn’t have state income tax.