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Rob Huebel & Paul Scheer Promote “Crash Test”

TRANSCRIPT

>>> HERE THEY ARE AS PROMISED,
ROB HUEBEL, PAUL SCHEER OF THE
VERY FUNNY CRASH TEST THAT'S
AVAILABLE VIDEO ON DEMAND ON
"THE RICH EISEN SHOW."
GOOD TO SEE YOU GUYS.
>> WHAT'S GOING ON?
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING US.
>> LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, IF
YOU ARE GOING TO HIRE A BUS MADE
OF GLASS, DRIVE PEOPLE AROUND
TOWN FOR COMEDIC PURPOSES, OFF
SPOT ON THIS SHOW.
>> THIS STUDIO IS ESSENTIALLY
LIKE OUR BUS WITHOUT THE WHEELS.
>> THIS IS A FANCY, VERY FANCY
STUDIO.
>> YEAH.
>> I DON'T USUALLY LIKE TO
CORRECT THE GUESTS WHEN THEY
COME ON, BUT WE HAVE WHEELS ON
THIS STUDIO.
>> WHAT?
>> THIS THING IS ROUND, I SAW
YOUR SHOW AND I SAID IF THIS
THING DOESN'T GET OUTFITTED WITH
WHEELS, I'M OUT.
>> I WANT YOU TO BE ALWAYS ON
THE RUN.
AROUND THE COUNTRY, WHERE'S RICH
EISEN.
>> THAT IS MY LIFE ALWAYS.
YOU JUST NAILED IT.
IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET,
YOU NEED TO SEE IT, HERE IS A
GLIMPSE OF "CRASH TEST."
\M\M
>> THEY SAID IT COULDN'T BE DONE
OR THEY SAID IT SHOULDN'T BE
DONE, AND WE, YOU'RE JEALOUS
BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE A 60 FOOT
GLASS BUS.
>> THIS IS EXCITING.
TONIGHT WE'RE GOING TO BE GOING
ALL AROUND LOS ANGELES.
WE'RE GOING TO BE ALL KINDS OF
STAND UP COMEDY.
MUSICAL ACTS, CRAZY PEOPLE ON
THE STREET PLUS, BEAUTIFUL L.A.
AND ALL OF THE BUILDINGS.
SAID YOU COULDN'T DO OUR SHOW.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
TALKING ABOUT, MY NAME IS ROB.
>> FANTASTIC.
YOU CAN HAVE DONE EVERYTHING
JUST ON HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD
ALONE.
>> HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD WAS THE
CRAZIEST THINGS.
>> THERE'S SO MANY WEIRDOS IN
L.A.
MOST PEOPLE KNOW THAT, BUT A LOT
OF PEOPLE THAT AREN'T FROM HERE
THINK THAT L.A. IS A VERY
GLAMOROUS PLACE, IT'S REALLY
NOT, IT'S ALL STRIP MALLS AND
WEIRDOS.
>> WHAT WAS SO BIZARRE, WE ARE
IN THERE AT 11:00 AT NIGHT, AND
THERE WERE SO MANY CHILDREN OUT
IN THE STREET.
>> WOW.
>> AND WE MADE THEM PERFORM FOR
US.
BECAUSE WHY NOT?
IF YOU'RE OUT, YOU'VE GOT TO DO
SOMETHING.
>> "CRASH TEST" IS AVAILABLE ON
VIDEO ON DEMAND, THE RADIO
AUDIENCE IS ABOUT TO JOIN US.
BACK WITH MORE IN A MOMENT.
AND AGAIN, IF YOU WANT THIS
THING ROLLING AROUND, YOU JUST
SAY THE WORD.
>> WHEELS PLEASE.
>>> WELCOME BACK TO THE PROGRAM,
ROB HUEBEL AND PAUL SCHEER,
COMEDIANS AND STARS OF "CRASH
TEST."
GOOD TO SEE YOU GUYS.
>> GREAT TO SEE YOU.
>> GREAT TO BE HERE, MAN.
>> YOU BET.
"CRASH TEST" YOU GO AND HIRE A #
0-FOOT LONGá--
>> IT'S PRETTY LONG.
>> IS IT ONLY 60 FEET?
>> 70, 80 FEET.
>> WE DON'T EVEN KNOW.
>> ONCE YOU'RE AT THAT LENGTH,
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
>> WE DO SHOW THAT.
WE ALWAYS THOUGHT IT WOULD BE
GREAT TO TAKE OUR AUDIENCE FROM
THAT SHOW AND PUT THEM ON A BUS.
>> YES.
>> MEANWHILE THERE WAS SOME GUY
WHO CAME UP WITH THE IDEA FOR A
GLASS BUS, THIS IS OUR PEANUT
BUTTER AND CHOCOLATE.
>> SO THIS COMPANY IN NEW YORK
HAS THIS GLASS BUS FOR TOURISTS,
AND THEY SIT IN SORT OF LIKE A
MOVIE-ATHLETER STYLE SEATING AND
THEY'RE FACING THE SIDEWALK.
IT'S PERFECT JUST TO DRIVE THEM
AROUND.
SO BASICALLY, WE CALLED ALL OF
OUR STAND-UP FRIENDS AND SAID BE
IN YOUR YARD AT LIKE 8:00á--
>> THEIR ACTUAL YARD?
>> FOR SECURITY REASONS, WE HAVE
THEM IN THEIR NEXT DOOR
NEIGHBOR'S YARD.
>> SO LIKE AUBREY IS FAKE
DIGGING A GRAVE.
>> YEAH, REALLY DIGGING A GRAVE.
>> WE DID GET SOME FLAK FOR
THAT.
WE WANTED TO GET SOME, WE WANTED
IT TO FEEL REAL, NOT FAKE.
>> YOU'RE AN PERSON, PAUL, WE'VE
SEEN THE LEAGUE.
WE UNDERSTAND.
>> YOU KNOW, WE HAVE TO GET INTO
IT.
>> I COME UP WITH A LOT OF LEGAL
PROBLEMS.
>> YEAH, THERE'S AUBREY, THE GUY
FROM RENO 911, TOM LENIN.
>> RENO 911 CHARACTERS IN THE
WAY THAT IS NOT SUABLE.
LIKE, SO THEY'RE NOT CALLED BY
THEIR RENO CHARACTERS.
>> OH, I SEE.
>> COMEDY CENTRAL WOULDN'T LET
THEM CALL THEM RENO 911.
WE JUST IMPLIED IT.
>> THEY ARE DOING THE SAME
THING.
>> SO WHEN YOU WERE SAYING
SUING, YOU'RE JUST TALKING ABOUT
FOR COPY RIGHT, PROTECTION
PURPOSES.
>> EXACTLY.
>> BECAUSE THEIR CHARACTERS,
EVERYTHING THAT THEY DO IS
SUABLE.
>> EXACTLY.
>> BECAUSE YOU KNOW, WE DID A
SPECIAL WITH PARAMOUNT, WE MADE
A JOKE ABOUT BUMBLE BE, THE
TRANSFORMER ROBOT SAYING WE
DON'T WANT TO INSULT BUMBLEBEE
ON THIS SPECIAL.
IT'S A FICTIONAL ROBOT.
LIKE I DON'T THINK HE'S GOING TO
TAKE IT TOO HARD.
>> 21st CENTURY OF YOU DON'T PUT
BABY IN A CORNER, RIGHT?
YOU CAN'T PUT BUMBLEBEE ON
BLAST.
>> HE PLAYS LIKE A SAD SONG.
>> FANTASTIC.
CRASH TEST IS AVAILABLE VIDEO ON
DEMAND RIGHT NOW ROB HUEBEL,
PAUL ON THE SHOW.
>> SEPTEMBER 9th ON FX, YEAH,
XX, JUST TO THINK.
>> FXX.
TWO XS.
>> NOW ARE YOU IN THE SEASON?
>> I NEVER KNOW HOW MANY I'M
DOING, LAST YEAR I THINK I DID
LIKE FOUR OR FIVE, WE DID A
BUNCH TOGETHER.
>> ENDED UP WITH YOU HAVING SEX
WITH CHEESE.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
MY CHARACTER MADE LOVE, MADE
LOVE TO A BIG BLOCK OF CHEESE.
I DON'T REMEMBER WHY I DID THAT.
AND YEAH, SO I'M COMING BACK
THIS YEAR, I JUST NEVER KNOW,
THEY CALLED ME THE DAY BEFORE.
ALL THE OTHER GUYS THEY HAVE ON
THERE.
THEY CALL THEM LIKE THE DAY
BEFORE.
OBVIOUSLY HE'S THE CHAMP, HE'S
HAVING A COSTUME DRAFT.
VERY VICTORIAN DRAFT MAKING
EVERYBODY DRESS IN COSTUME.
IT'S THE WORSE IDEA EVER.
>> HOW MANY PEOPLE THINK YOU ARE
WHO YOU REALLY ARE?
>> A LOT.
>> PAUL AND I TRAVEL A FAIR
AMOUNT, FLYING AROUND AND GOING
THROUGH AIRPORTS WITH THIS IDIOT
IS LIKE SERIOUSLY LIKE EVERYONE
IN AMERICA GOES, YO ANDRE, LIKE
EVERYBODY RUNS UP TO HIM.
TACKLES HIM, LIKE IF I WORE A FE
DOR RA, IT WOULD BE TERRIBLE.
THANK GOD I DON'T DRESS LIKE
ANDRE.
LIKE WILL SMITH, IF YOU EVER DO
A TV SHOW, MAKE SURE THEY NAME
THE CHARACTER AFTER YOU BECAUSE
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, THEY
WILL SAY THAT CHARACTER'S NAME,
AND NOW I DEBT GOT IT.
>> PEOPLE COME UP TO WILL SMITH
AND CALL HIM THE FRESH PRINCE.
>> WELL WILL BECAUSE HIS NAME
WAS WILL ON THE SHOW.
>> I SEE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
I WENT IN THE OTHER DIRECTION.
>> YOU WENT WHEN THE MONIKER OF
THE SHOW IS.
>> I CALL HIM THE FRESH PRINCE.
>> I CALL HIM JAZZY JEFF, BUT I
GET CONFUSED.
>> SO WHAT ARE YOUR REAL TEAMS
IN REAL LIFE?
ROB, ARE YOU A SKINS GUY?
>> I USED TO BE.
I THINK THE SKINS ARE TERRIBLE
AND THEY'RE ALSO RACIST, IS THAT
THE THING?
>> THAT'S THE NARRATIVE.
>> YEAH.
>> REALLY GREAT COLORS, YOU
KNOW, I GREW UP.
D.C., BUT LIKE WHEN, WHEN THEY
WERE GREAT, YOU KNOW, IT WAS
LIKE THEISMANN AND THE HOGS AND
RIGENS, THAT WAS LIKE MY TEAM
THEN.
>> THE TIMES.
>> NOW I SORT OF GET LIKE SUNDAY
TICKET ON DIRECTV.
CAN I SAY THAT?
>> YES, DO IT.
>> IT'LL SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE.
>> THE RED ZONE IS GREAT, THAT'S
MY JAM.
NOW I JUST LIKE WATCH EVERYTHING
ALL THE TIME.
I WATCH WHO'S INSIDE THE 20.
>> HOW MANY FANTASY LEAGUES ARE
YOU IN IN REAL LIFE?
>> I WAS IN THREE, NOW I'VE HAD
A BABY, SO THINGS HAVE TO REALLY
TUNE DOWN.
>> FOUR.
LET'S FOCUS ON THIS WHERE YOU
NEED YOUR OUTLETS, PAUL.
>> I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW HARD IT
IS TO HAVE A FANTASY TEAM.
BESIDES THE FACT THAT I CAN'T
WATCH THE GAMES AT ALL.
>> WHAT THIS MEANS IS 2:00 A.M.
FEEDINGS IS PERFECT WAIVER WIRE.
YES.
THAT'S THE WAY TO DO IT.
>> COME ON, MAN.
I'VE HAD A ONE HAND.
THREE OF THEM COME TO ME.
THE SHAPE VERSE TWO NOW.
THEY SHOULD COME AND HELP OUT.
THEY HAVE ALL THOSE HELPERS,
LIKE 24/7 NANNIES.
>> DOES YOUR BABY UNDERSTAND
FANTASY FOOTBALL?
>> MY BABY GETS IT.
>> HOW OLD IS YOUR BABY?
>> 15 MONTHS.
>> I'M A GOD FATHER TO THIS
BABY.
>> ARE YOU REALLY?
>> YES.
>> I'M NOT SURE THIS BABY GETS
FANTASY FOOTBALL.
>> HE GETS IT ENOUGH.
THE MOCK DRAFTS ARE OKAY.
HERE'S THE TRUTH, HE'S STILL
GOING, HE GOES FOR QUARTERBACK
IN THE FIRST DOWN, AND LIKE,
YOU'VE GOT TO START OFF WITH A
RUNNING BACK.
HE DOESN'T GET THAT YET.
ESPECIALLY THE WAY THE LEAGUE IS
RIGHT NOW.
>> THIS TIME FOR YOU TO HAVE
THIS SIT-DOWN CHAT.
>> OBVIOUSLY I'M EMBARRASSING
BECAUSE I'M A JETS FAN AND HE'S
LIKE THAT'S NOT A REAL TEAM.
>> WOW.
>> HE'S LEARNING AT AN EARLY AGE
TO TROLL HIS OWN DAD.
>> THIS IS SEMI-RELATED, I DON'T
TO WANT PLUG ANOTHER CHANNEL,
BUT DOESN'T HARD KNOCKS START
TONIGHT ON HBO?
>> IT DOES START TONIGHT.
>> WHATEVER CHANNEL YOU WISH.
>> I'M NOT PLUGGING THAT SHOW.
>> COOKING, GARDENING CHANNEL.
>> I LOVE IT.
>> COOK AND GARDENING CHANNEL?
>> IT'S ALL THE SAME, RIGHT?
>> THAT'S THE CNG, RIGHT?
>> YOU TAKE IT RIGHT FROM THE
GARDEN AND RIGHT NO IT YOUR
KITCHEN.
>> YOU'RE SPIT BALLING NOW, AND
I LIKE IT.
>> PAUL SCHEER AND ROB HUEBEL ON
THE SHOW.
DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE CAMEO OF
PLAYER SHOWING UP?
>> WHO'S COMING ON ON THE
LEAGUE?
>> WE HAVE A BUNCH OF, WHAT YOU
CALL IT, THE HONEY BADGER ON THE
SHOW THIS YEAR.
>> HE'S SO GOOD.
>> HE'S GREAT.
>> THAI RON MATTHEWS, AND
CAMPBELL CAME ON THE SHOW.
>> HE IS A MONSTER-SIZED
INDIVIDUAL.
IMAGINE HIM WITH A HELMET AND
PADS JUST ON TOP OF THE HUMAN
BEING.
>> IN REAL LIFE, IT WAS
FRIGHTENING.
I ALWAYS THINK THAT I'M YOUNGER
THAN THESE GUYS BECAUSE THEY ARE
GIANT, IF WE'RE 100%, THESE GUYS
HAVE GONE THROUGH LIKE THE 150%
MACHINE.
EVERYTHING IS JUST A LITTLE BIT
BIGGER, YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE
ENLARGING YOUR FONT ON A
DOCUMENT, THEY ARE JUST, PFFT.
>> ARE ANY LIKE GOOD ACTORS?
DO THEY COME ON AND THEY'REá--
>> TAG TEAMING HERE.
>> YEAH.
>> CAMPBELL WAS GREAT.
MARSHAWN CAME BACK THIS YEAR,
KILLED IT, LIKE WE HAVE NOT HAD
A BAD PERSON, LIKE TO ME, MY
FAVORITE HAS ALWAYS BEEN TERRELL
SUGGS.
>> T-SIZZLE.
>> HE CAME OP AND HE GOT IT
RIGHT AWAY.
BUT EVERYONE'S BEEN PRETTY GOOD.
>> T-SIZZLE THINKS THIS IS HIS
CAREER BY THE WAY, NO QUESTION.
MOVIE PRODUCER TOO.
>> YEAH.
HE'S DOING HIS OWN MOVIE.
OWN MISSOURI.
SUN DANCE AND HIS MOVIE.
>> HE BELIEVESá-- I THINK HE
THINKS HE'S AN ACTION HERO WHEN
HE WANTS TO.
TERRELL SUGGS HAS GONE TO SUN
DANCE.
THESE ARE THINGS THAT HAPPEN.
>> YEAH, WE SHOULD GO TO SUN
DANCE.
ROB, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO SUN
DANCE?
HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO SACK A
QUARTERBACK?
>> NOT REALLY.
>> HAS T-SIZZLE RIDDEN AROUND IN
A GLASS DOOR?
>> NO.
>> THAT'S THE TRICK.
>> WITH A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE
DRIVING THEM AROUND LOS ANGELES
TO FIND COMICS TO DO COMEDY FOR
THEM?
>> THAT'S MY THING.
>> THE TWO OF YOU.
>> WE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN SOME
PLAYERS ON THIS THING.
>> I LOVE THIS IDEA, THIS COULD
BE REPEATED, RIGHT?
>> VERY EASILY REACH DIRECTV, WE
COULD DO THIS AGAIN.
>> YEAH.
>> LIKE WE TO WANT GO TO AUSTIN,
MAYBE IN A DUCK BOAT IN AUSTIN.
>> I GET.
>> YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
DIFFERENT VEHICLES.
>> SWITCH UP THE VEHICLES.
>> NEXT LEVEL.
>> CARS.
>> THAT'S NEXT LEVEL.
>> HOT AIR BALLOON.
>> YOU DID IT ALL IN ONE NIGHT.
>> ALL IN ONE NIGHT.
>> EVERYTHING YOU SEE THERE IS
ONE TAKE.
WHEN WE BUMPED INTO ROB OR
AUBREY, ONCE, WE DROVE BY,
INTERACTED AND DROVE ON.
IT WAS REALLY KIND OF FUN.
>> YEAH, AND WE DIDN'T EVEN
THINK WHO ALL IS ON THE SHOW,
ROB, AUBREY, NATASHAá--
>> ZS.
.
>> FLETCHER.
>> YEAH, WE HAVE A MUSICAL
GUEST.
>> YOU'RE A HUGEá--
>> ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT EARL.
>> MIX TAPES.
>> NO IDEA OF MY STREET
CREDIBILITY, NONE.
>> I DON'T.
I HAVE A NEW MOVIE COMING OUT
CALLED STRAIGHT OUT OF STATEN
ISLAND.
IT'S COMING OUT, VERY SOON.
>> STATEN ISLAND, JUST AS TOUGH
AS COMPTON.
>> PRETTY TOUGH OVER THERE.
>> I THINK MY CHRIS COMMAND
CENTER WANTS TO CHIME IN.
>> PAUL, YOU DO A HILARIOUS
PODCAST HOW DID THIS GET MADE.
HOW DO YOU DECIDE AND WHICH IS
THE WORST?
>> OH MY GOSH, A LOT OF RESEARCH
GOES INTO THE BAD MOVIES.
YOU HAVE TO PICK THE ONES THAT
ARE WATCH BLI BAD.
WE DID THIS MOVIE WITH CHUCK
NORRIS AND A DOG, IT'S A KID'S
MOVIE ABOUT WHITE SUPREMACY.
>> WHAT?
>> YES.
IT'S WELL WORTH WATCHING.
CHUCK NORRIS AND THE DOG AND
WHITE SPREM CYST.
YOU HAVE TO FIND THAT FINE LINE.
ANOTHER WITH WHOOPIE GOLDBERG
AND A TINE SAR.
>> THIS IS LIKE THE WORST MAD
LIB OF ALL TIME.
>> THESE ARE REAL.
>> FUTURISTIC COPS, WHOOP MY IS
A ROBOT AND THE DINOSAUR IS A
DINOSAUR, AND THEY'RE SOFTING
CRIMES.
I THINK THE WORST MOVIE, WE
TALKED ABOUT THIS THE OTHER DAY,
THE WORST MOVIE I'VE EVER
SEENá--
>> OH BOY.
>> IT'S SO FULFILLING IS THE
ROOM.
IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE ROOM,
TOMMY MADE THIS MOVIE, HE
THOUGHT HE WAS MAKING STREETCAR
NAME DESIRE, BUT HE DID NOT.
AND THERE'S SO MANY TECHNICAL
MISTAKES THERE.
LIKE HE PUT TWO CAMERAS NEXT TO
EACH OTHER, HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT
FORMAT HE WANTED.
EVERY FRAME OF THE MOVIE IS
SLIGHTLY OFFCENTERED BECAUSE THE
THE TWO CAMERAS WERE LIKE LINKED
TO EACH OTHER.
THAT ONE IS AMAZING AND THE SEX
SCENES ARE SO LONG.
>> SEX SCENES.
>> OH YEAH.
>> THEY JUST LOOP, LIKE THERE'S
A SEX SCENE AT THE BEGINNING,
THEN THEY WANTED ANOTHER ONE
LATER, SO THEN THEY JUST REFUSED
THE FIRST SEX SCENE FROM THE
EARLIER IN THE MOVIE.
AND YOU'RE LIKE, THAT'S THE SAME
SEX SCENE.
>> SOUNDS LIKE MOST MARRIAGES.
>> YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE ROOM,
THAT IS PROBABLY THE BEST.
>> HOT DOG THE MOVIE.
>> OH YES.
>> SKIING.
>> I'M FAMILIAR WITH IT.
>> HOT DOG THE MOVIE.
>> YOU, YOU OFFEND ALL CINEMAX
WATCHERS WHEN YOU SAY SOMETHING
LIKE THAT.
>> IT WAS WIDELY RELEASED.
>> BUT THAT'S WHY I WATCH MY HOT
DOG MOVIE.
>> HOT DOG THE MOVIE IS JUST
ABOUT SKIING.
THERE'S NO DOG SKIING.
>> NO.
>> OR CHUCK NORRIS.
>> OR HOT DOGS.
>> NO HOT DOGS EITHER.
>> NOT EVEN A HOT DOG BUN PLACED
INAPPROPRIATELY ON A GUY?
>> I DON'T THINK SO.
>> THEY SHOULD DO THAT.
>> ROB HUEBEL AND PAUL SCHEER,
COME BACK ANY TIME, GENTLEMEN.
>> THANK YOU.