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Actor Kevin Nealon Talks “Laugh Lessons With Kevin Nealon” on The RE Show – 4/14/15

TRANSCRIPT

WE NOTICED ON YOUR TWITTER
ACCOUNT AT KEVIN UNDERSCORE
NEALON WHERE THERE ARE 1.52
MILLION FOLLOWERS, THAT'S QUITE
A†-- THAT YOU'VE GOT†--
>> THAT'S NOT QUALITY.
IT'S QUANTITY.
>> THAT WHAT IT IS?
>> NO QUALITY THERE.
>> NOT SINGLE QUALITY FOLLOWER?
I WILL TAKE THAT, THOUGH.
IF YOU WANT TO FLIP ME SOME OF
THESE†--
>> I JUST WONDER IF YOU CAN BUY
FOLLOWERS.
>> YES, YOU CAN.
>> YOU DO THAT?
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
>> IT'S FUNNY, WHEN I SAY THAT
IT MAKES IT SOUND LIKE I KNOW
THAT BECAUSE I DO THAT.
NO, I DON'T DO THAT.
BUT I DEFINITELY KNOW THAT YOU
CAN DO THAT IF YOU WANT TO DO
THAT.
TO GET UP TO 1.52 MILLION.
I NOTICE YOU GOT THE CLOWN
AVATAR.
WHERE'S THAT FROM?
>> I DON'T KNOW WHY I HAVE THAT.
I THINK WHEN I STARTED THIS, IT
WAS LIKE RIGHT AFTER HALLOWEEN
OR SOMETHING.
WE BOUGHT, MY WIFE AND I BOUGHT
THESE GREAT CLOWN OUTFITS IN SAN
FRANCISCO AND I HAD THAT PICTURE
AND I THOUGHT†--
>> THOUGHT YOU WOULD USE IT.
THERE IT IS RIGHT THERE WITH THE
GLASSES.
THAT'S NOT CREEPY AT ALL.
I LOVE IT.
KEVIN NEALON IS HERE ON "THE
RICH EISEN SHOW."
DON'T GO ANYWHERE.
>>> WELCOME BACK TO "THE RICH
EISEN SHOW."
IF YOU HAPPEN TO BE IN SOUTHERN
CALIFORNIA DURING DRAFT WEEK MAY
1 THROUGH 3, YOU CAN SEE THIS
MAN PERFORM AT THE IMPROV.
YOU CAN ALSO CATCH HIM ON HIS
AOL SERIES LAUGH LESSONS WITH
KEVIN NEALON.
HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
YOU ARE HERE IN OUR SOUTHERN
CALIFORNIA STUDIOS, LAST TIME
YOU WERE ON WE CALLED YOU RIGHT
BEFORE THE 40th ANNIVERSARY OF
"SNL."
HOW WAS THAT?
>> EPIC ON A LOT OF DIFFERENT
LEVELS.
EVERYWHERE YOU LOOKED YOU SAW
THESE INCREDIBLE FAMOUS PEOPLE
LIKE KEITH RICHARDS, DIANNE
SAWYER, PAUL McCARTNEY STANDING
THERE.
I EVEN SAW PEYTON MANNING AT THE
AFTERPARTY.
>> HOW WAS THAT?
>> HE'S PRETTY IMPOSING.
HE'S BIG.
I HAD MY PICTURE TAKEN WITH HIM
ON MY CELL PHONE FOR MY SON.
AND THEN AFTER THE PICTURE, HE
TELLS THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE
PICTURE, HE GOES ELI, CHECK THAT
PICTURE, SEE HOW IT IS.
HE HANDS THE PHONE TO ELI.
HE LOOKS AND GOES YEAH, LOOKS
GOOD, GIVES IT BACK TO ME.
HALF HOUR LATER I GO TO TEXT
SOMEBODY IT'S ALL IN CHINESE
FONT.
I'M THINKING ELI MUST HAVE
MESSED WITH MY PHONE.
A HALF HOUR LATER I SEE PEYTON
MANNING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
ROOM, IN THE MIDDLE OF
EVERYBODY, TOWERS ABOVE
EVERYBODY.
HE SEES ME, GOES HEY, NEALON,
HOW'S YOUR PHONE?
I KNEW RIGHT THEN THAT ELI,
THAT'S THE THING THEY DO, I BET.
>> ELI BEING HIS BROTHER.
>> HANDS OFF TO ELI, HIS
BROTHER.
ELI CHANGES ALL THE FONTS TO
CHINESE.
I COULDN'T GET IT BACK.
I COULDN'T GET IT BACK.
I WAS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT
EVERYTHING.
FINALLY I WENT UP TO ELI, I SAID
FIX MY PHONE, I HATE THE GIANTS.
I HATE THE GIANTS.
AND HE TRIED TO FIX IT.
HE FIXED IT SORT OF.
STILL THE EMOJI WAS CHINESE.
I FINALLY HAD TO BRING IT TO THE
APPLE STORE.
>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?
>> YEAH.
AT LEAST I GOT LIKE 12 NEW
CHINESE FOLLOWERS OUT OF IT.
>> SO THIS MAY BE SORT OF A
MANNING STING OPERATION THAT
THEY DO ON FOLKS LIKE YOU.
>> YEAH.
IT'S A BROTHER THING THEY DO.
FIRST IT'S KIND OF CUTE AND
FUNNY BUT THEN AFTER AWHILE IT'S
LIKE.
>> NOTHING'S FUNNY ABOUT HAVING
TO GO TO THE APPLE STORE.
IF YOU HAVE TO WADE THROUGH TO
THE GENIUS BAR†--
>> YOU HAVE TO MAKE
APPOINTMENTS.
YOU HAVE TO BE VETTED.
>> YES.
I TOLD THIS STORY AT THE OUTSET
OF THE SHOW SO IF I'M REPEATING
MYSELF TO ANYBODY WHO HAS HEARD
THIS, THANK YOU FOR LISTENING
FOR THIS LONG.
I WENT TO THE APPLE STORE MONTHS
AGO AND AS I'M WAITING TO BE
SEEN BY THE GENIUS BAR, I'M JUST
SURFING THE WEB AND THERE'S A
GUY TO MY RIGHT IN A FULL
MEDICAL GOWN AND MASK SAYING TO
ME HOW ABOUT THAT EBOLA VIRUS,
HUH?
THAT HAPPENED.
SO I DON'T NEED TO MIX IT UP.
>> IT WAS A SURGEON.
HE WAS IN BETWEEN SURGERIES AND
NEEDED A QUICK FIX.
>> IT WASN'T EVEN HALLOWEEN.
HE WAS THERE IN A FULL SURGICAL
OUTFIT AND MASK.
I THOUGHT I WAS BEING PRANKED.
BUT IT HAPPENED.
THERE WERE NO MANNINGS AROUND AT
THE TIME.
I'M WITH KEVIN NEALON ON "THE
RICH EISEN SHOW."
MARCH MADNESS, YOU WERE IN
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA AND NOT
WATCHING THE GAME.
WHY WAS THAT?
>> I WAS WORKING THAT NIGHT,
DOING A FUND-RAISER.
>> WHERE WERE YOU DOING THIS?
>> AT THE RIVIERA COUNTRY CLUB.
YOU'RE A GOLFER, RIGHT?
>> I COMMITTED, YES.
>> IT WAS RIGHT DURING THE GAME
I HAD TO GO ON.
THEY HAD A LARGE TV SCREEN ON
BOTH SIDES OF THE STAGE PLAYING
THE FINAL GAME.
>> WHILE†--
>> WHILE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE
GOING ON.
>> OKAY.
>> ALSO THE MIC WAS GOING IN AND
OUT.
THE FAULTY AUDIO PROBLEM.
>> BECAUSE PEOPLE AT RIVIERA
WEREN'T PAYING THEIR DUES?
OKAY.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHY.
ALSO, THE WAITERS WERE SERVING
DINNER AT THE TIME.
WE CALL THAT DROPPING DINNERS
DURING YOUR PERFORMANCE WHICH IS
A TOUGH THING TO CHALLENGE.
SO IT DIDN'T JUST HAPPEN WHEN I
WAS ON.
I KNEW I WAS WALKING INTO THAT.
AND I GOT TO SAY IT'S ONE OF THE
FEW NIGHTS THAT I BOMBED IN MY
CAREER.
>> NO KIDDING.
>> YEAH.
AT LEAST THE SOUND WAS OFF ON
THE TV.
>> THIS EVENT, WHAT WAS THE
EVENT?
>> IT WAS FOR THE LAKERS YOUTH
FOUNDATION.
ALL THE LAKERS WERE THERE.
WHO I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE ANY OF
THEM.
IT'S LIKE A WHOLE NEW TEAM NOW.
IT'S LIKE I WENT TO SEE A GAME A
MONTH AGO OR SO AND THE ONLY
PERSON I RECOGNIZED STILL FROM
THE TEAM WAS JACK NICHOLSON
SITTING ON THE SIDELINE.
HE WAS ONE OF THE UTILITY
PLAYERS.
IT'S A GOOD ORGANIZATION.
>> SURE.
>> MONEY FOR THESE KIDS.
I WAS WILLING TO WALK INTO IT
AND SACRIFICE MYSELF.
>> THERE YOU GO.
I HAVE NOTICED, WHO HASN'T
NOTICED, CERTAINLY, WITH THE
MASTERS BEING ON TV AND GOLF
BEING AT THE FOREFRONT OF THE
SPORTS WORLD RIGHT NOW, YOU
DOING A COMMERCIAL WITH THE
KING.
ARNOLD PALMER.
WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?
WHAT WAS THAT LIKE?
>> THAT WAS FANTASTIC.
WE ALL KNOW ARNOLD PALMER.
TO GET TO HANG OUT WITH HIM FOR
A DAY OR SO WAS JUST QUITE AN
EXPERIENCE.
THIS GUY, HE LOVES TO LAUGH.
LOVES JOKES.
LOVES WESTERNS.
HE GREW UP WATCHING WESTERNS.
I SAID YOU KNOW, ARNOLD, I THINK
I CALLED HIM ARNIE, ARNIE, KNOW
WHAT I WATCHED GROWING UP WAS
"THE RIFLEMAN" WITH CHUCK
CONNERS.
HE GOES I HAVE THE RIFLE.
CHUCK CONNERS GAVE ME THE RIFLE.
ANYTHING I MENTIONED, HE HAD
BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.
ARNOLD, I GOLFED ONE OF THE
COURSES IN PALM SPRINGS.
I DESIGNED THAT COURSE.
I WON TWO OPENS OUT THERE.
REALLY.
YOU KNOW I DID MINI GOLF OFF THE
405 DOWN IN ORANGE COUNTY.
I DESIGNED THAT COURSE.
I WON FIVE OPENS ON THAT WON.
>> THE WINDMILL WAS HIS IDEA.
>> I CAME UP WITH THE WINDMILL.
>> HE'S ARNOLD PALMER, RIGHT?
THAT IS SO PHENOMENAL, OF ALL
THE PEOPLE YOU COULD BE HANGING
OUT WITH FOR A DAY.
DID YOU ASK HIM WHERE THE DRINK
CAME FROM?
>> I DID, ACTUALLY.
>> YOU DID?
>> YEAH.
HE TOLD ME†-- SEE IF I CAN
REMEMBER.
HE TOLD ME HE WAS I THINK AT
SOME PLACE AND HE ORDERED THE
ICED TEA WITH LEMONADE IN IT.
SOMEBODY SAID THAT'S THE ARNOLD
PALMER AND HE PATENTED THAT
NAME.
>> BECAUSE HE'S THE KING.
>> I THINK ARIZONA ICED TEA OR
WHATEVER IT'S CALLED, ARIZONA
NOW HAS THE DRINK OUT.
MINE IS I'LL HAVE A KEVIN
NEALON.
I HAD ADDED A LINE TO IT, THEY
DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO PUT IT IN.
THAT'S A TALL DRINK OF WATER.
SPARKLING.
>> YOU'RE THE TALL, BECAUSE YOU
ARE THE TALL DRINK OF SPARKLING
WATER.
>> I LOVE GOLF.
I DON'T PLAY A LOT.
I'M PROBABLY LIKE YOU, I PLAY
WHENEVER I CAN.
>> WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE
MASTERS?
>> IT WAS EXCITING.
I THOUGHT PHIL MICKELSON WAS
GOING TO MAKE HIS MOVE ON THE
LAST DAY.
I WAS HOPING.
OR JUSTIN ROSE.
BUT I THOUGHT SPIETH, BECAUSE
HE'S 21, YOU KNOW, HE DOESN'T
HAVE THE EXPERIENCE AND IS NOT
GOING TO BE ABLE TO KEEP THAT
FOCUS AND HE WILL CRUMBLE.
THE EXPERIENCED PLAYERS WILL
START COMING UP.
THEN IT NEVER HAPPENED.
>> THE OTHER SHOE NEVER DROPPED.
>> I WAS HAPPY TO SEE TIGER IN
THE HUNT.
>> HAVE YOU MET HIM?
HAVE YOU EVER MET TIGER?
>> I MET TIGER AT ONE OF HIS
EVENTS IN SHERWOOD COUNTRY CLUB.
I WAS DOING STANDUP.
HIS MOTHER AND FATHER SITTING
LIKE ABOUT THAT FAR AWAY, FIVE
FEET AWAY.
TIGER WAS THERE.
I DON'T THINK I SAW A SMILE THE
WHOLE NIGHT.
>> BUT YOUR MATERIAL WAS GOOD.
IT'S NOT THE MATERIAL?
>> YOU KNOW, I PLAY IN THE
AMERICAN CENTURY CELEBRITY GOLF
CHAMPIONSHIP EVERY YEAR WITH A
LOT OF THESE, TONY ROMO, AARON
RODGERS, ALL THESE HOCKEY
PLAYERS, BASEBALL PLAYERS, ALL
OF US ATHLETE TYPES.
AND IT'S SCARY BECAUSE YOU'RE ON
TV.
IT'S ON NBC.
PEOPLE THINK BECAUSE IT'S ON TV
YOU'RE A GOOD GOLFER AND YOU'RE
WITH THESE OTHER ATHLETES.
LAST YEAR I GOLFED WITH LARRY
THE CABLE GUY.
HE KNOCKED SOMEBODY OUT ON THE
TEE.
>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
LARRY THE CABLE GUY?
>> HE TEED OFF, SHANKED THE BALL
AND IT HIT SOME GUY ON THE
PHONE.
LUCKILY IT HIT THE PHONE AND PUT
THE GUY ON THE GROUND FOR LIKE
15 MINUTES.
I'M ALWAYS WITH BARKLEY.
I ALWAYS BEAT BARKLEY.
HE'S TERRIBLE.
BUT THE FIRST YEAR I WAS THERE,
I'M ON THE 18th HOLE AND IT'S
BEAUTIFUL.
BEAUTIFUL LAKE TAHOE.
>> STUNNING.
>> ALL THE SPECTATORS ON THE
BEACH.
I HIT THE BALL ABOUT 250 YARDS.
IT JUST CURVED, IT LEAKED OUT TO
THE BEACH AND I SAW IT GO AND I
YELLED FORE AS LOUD AS I COULD.
EVERYBODY COVERED UP EXCEPT FOR
ONE WOMAN.
WOULDN'T YOU KNOW THAT BALL HIT
HER RIGHT IN THE FOREHEAD.
FROM 250 YARDS OUT, I HEARD THE
GALLERY AROUND THE GREEN IN THE
DISTANCE JUST GO OHHH!
THE BALL BOUNCED OFF HER
FOREHEAD, ROLLED THROUGH THE
SAND, CAME UP ON THE GREEN THIS
CLOSE TO THE FLAG.
I HEARD THE GALLERY FROM WAY
BACK GO AHHH!
I WAS WORRIED ABOUT THE WOMAN SO
I RAN UP TO HER, I SAID ARE YOU
OKAY?
SHE SAID YEAH BUT YOU BETTER PUT
ME ON THE "TODAY" SHOW.
SHE THOUGHT I WAS MATT LAUER.
>> WHO I BELIEVE WAS PROBABLY IN
THE FIELD, TOO.
>> YEAH.
I SAID OKAY, I'LL PUT YOU ON THE
SHOW.
>> MOST IMPORTANTLY, DID YOU
KNOCK IT IN AFTER THAT?
IF YOU WERE SET UP FOR BIRDIE.
>> I THINK I TAPPED IT IN.
>> IT WAS A GIMME.
>> YOU DON'T HAVE THOSE IN
TOURNAMENTS, DO YOU?
>> NO.
PICK IT UP.
PICK IT UP, JORDAN.
NO PROBLEM.
HERE WITH KEVIN NEALON.
BEFORE I LET YOU GO, WHAT'S IT
LIKE WITH AARON?
I KNOW I ASKED YOU THIS ON THE
PHONE BUT I WOULD LOVE TO ASK
YOU AGAIN HERE IN PERSON.
YOU AND DANA DOING THE STATE
FARM COMMERCIALS.
>> GEICO HAS GOOD COMMERCIALS,
BY THE WAY.
>> YOU WERE THE CAVEMAN IN ONE
OF THOSE.
THE STATE FARM COMMERCIAL, YOU
ARE DOING HANS AND FRANS WITH
AARON RODGERS.
WHAT WAS THAT LIKE?
>> IT WAS FUN TO BRING OUT THE
CHARACTERS AGAIN.
WE HAVEN'T DONE THEM IN 20
YEARS.
>> IT'S BEEN THAT LONG?
>> I THINK SO.
ALMOST 20 YEARS.
SO THEY COULDN'T FIND THE
ORIGINAL SWEATSUITS THAT HAD THE
STUFFING IN THEM, THE PADDING.
IT'S ALL PADDING, YOU KNOW.
THEY HAD TO RECONSTRUCT THEM.
THEY LOOKED AT THE OLD PICTURES
OF "SNL" AND TRIED TO DO THE
BEST THEY COULD.
SOME OF THEM ARE TOO BIG AND
THEY HAD TO DO A LOT OF
ADJUSTING.
WE DID IT WITH AARON, HE CAME TO
THE SET, REALLY NICE GUY.
QUIET.
REALLY KIND OF QUIET, POLITE.
I THINK I COULD TAKE HIM.
>> LIKE WITH THE SUIT OR WITHOUT
THE SUIT?
>> I THINK WITH THE SUIT AND I
WOULD HAVE TO BLINDSIDE HIM.
>> THAT'S WHAT EVERYBODY SAYS
ABOUT HIM, HE'S JUST A REGULAR
GUY, WHO JUST STRUCK IT HUGE IN
HIS CAREER.
>> THAT WAS TOUGH FOR HIM, TOO,
BECAUSE HE WAS COMING OFF OF
BRETT FAVRE WHO KEPT COMING
BACK.
SO HE'S UP, HE'S DOWN, HE'S
PLAYING, HE'S NOT PLAYING.
>> IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.
SERIOUSLY, WHAT HE'S COME
THROUGH AND WHAT HE'S DONE.
WHAT WAS IT LIKE REUNITING WITH
THE WEEKEND UPDATE CREW ON THE
40th ANNIVERSARY?
>> THAT WAS FUN.
IT WAS JUST SOME OF THEM.
I DON'T KNOW IF THEY TRIED TO
GET EVERYBODY OR WHAT.
IT WAS FUN TO SEE, YOU KNOW,
COLIN AND SETH AND NORM.
>> NORM SORT OF TOOK IT OVER,
RIGHT?
HE WENT OFF SCRIPT?
DID HE GO OFF SCRIPT?
>> NORM, YEAH, HE STOPPED DOING
THE LINES AND JUST KIND OF WAS
STALLING.
I THOUGHT MAYBE HE WAS HAVING
SOME KIND OF SEIZURE OR
SOMETHING.
YOU NEVER KNOW WITH NORM.
BUT IT WAS GOOD TO SEE
EVERYBODY.
IT WAS A GREAT NIGHT.
IT WAS FUN TO GO BACK THERE.
KIND OF LIKE A HIGH SCHOOL
REUNION.
YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY HAS THEIR
KIND OF COMMENTS ON THE NIGHT,
WHAT THEY LIKED AND WHAT THEY
DIDN'T LIKE.
>> WHAT DID YOU LIKE?
WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE PART?
>> FIRST OF ALL, IT'S A THREE
AND A HALF HOUR SHOW TO COVER
FOUR YEARS OF "SNL" WHICH IS AN
IMPOSSIBLE TASK BUT I THINK THEY
DID A GREAT JOB.
I LOVE THE MUSIC PART OF THE
SHOW.
I LOVE SEEING PAUL SIMON AND†--
>> THAT WAS INCREDIBLE.
TO HAVE KEITH RICHARDS INTRODUCE
PAUL McCARTNEY, THAT'S JUST ONE
WALK-OFF MOMENT.
CHRIS ROCK INTRODUCING EDDIE
MURPHY.
IT WAS REALLY SOMETHING ELSE.
YOU WERE JUST GREAT IN IT AS
ALWAYS.
I APPRECIATE YOU COMING IN HERE.
COME BACK ANY TIME.
GO SEE KEVIN NEALON AT THE
IMPROV IN IRVINE MAY 1 THROUGH 3
OR CHECK OUT HIS AOL SERIES
LAUGH LESSONS WITH KEVIN NEALON.
OR BE ONE OF THE 1.52 MILLION
FOLLOWERS AT KEVIN UNDERSCORE
NEALON.